Abandoned after deployment

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Anonymous

Hello all,

My husband returned from Afghanistan on June 9th and never came home to me, didn't want me at the airport to meet him, won't respond to text messages or phone calls, just says he wants a divorce.  While communication has not improved, and I haven't seen him since early August, he hasn't yet filed for divorce.  Last I spoke with him he said he was trying to figure things out.

I am beyond dumb-founded, still, at the fact that he refuses to sit down and talk to me about what in the world happened to him.  We were extremely happy together in our married life before he left, but this deployment changed him drastically as I feared it would.  He was on an air base, in a support role, so while it was not what I would consider "safe", he was never out on patrols, his entire unit came home safely, and he never fired his weapon.  Again, not saying that life was easy for him over there, but this treatment is ridiculous.  He is not supporting me, has basically just started a whole new life for himself as though I never existed.  It has been beyond painful, but I have left him alone to live his life and am just trying to scrape by on my own.

Can anyone that's been there give me some kind of insight as to what might be going on?  More than anything I am trying to understand, but it is devastating that someone who used to love me so much could be as cruel as this man is being to me.  I want badly to understand, but he won't talk to me so I am just completely in the dark...

Thank you.

Anonymous

I am really sorry you are going through this. Everyone's expiriance is different. I was there in a non war area, no stress, besides homesick, did great on my job, got 4 awards. Came home and all hell broke loose. I have been home since October 2012 and thrown my husband out at least 5 times, anxiety issues. I wanna say it isn't you, form my expiriance he is probably to "into" his military life to come back to normal. That sounds weird but I came home HATING civilians. I thing they are ignorant. Just going through what I went through, my expiriance and sacrifice and people home take that for granted. I came home mad at the world. I don't think it's personal, it feels it, but it's not you. It's the way we are trained to think, and it's hard to just come back to normal. Does this make sense? I hope I shed some light for you. I believe they have groups on military spouses for help. Have you tried military one source?

Anonymous

You did, thank you for your response.  I know that he felt exactly the same, hated everyone it seemed.  Just wanted to be around his army buddies.  And he too was not in combat, was in a relatively "safe" area, and described being over there as "boring".  I don't think it is me, necessarily, as it took him a long time to start talking to his family too, but he has just completely cut me out of his life.  I finally am getting some texts from him this morning, because I have been trying to figure out where I stand with him, and all he will say is that he thinks it's best if we just move on.  He just won't make any effort at all, won't come see me, won't talk to me on the phone.....just sends me messages saying he's done.  I think what's really going on is he has moved on with another woman, but he doesn't want to come clean about that.  It's maddening.

I've sought out help from all kinds of sources, Military One Source being one of the first.  I don't really know what to do at this point.  It looks like my marriage is over, without any effort on his part or any understanding on mine.  He's just done.  And I truly do understand the difficulties that you all face coming home, not completely, but I know that it's hard.  I just don't understand why he won't help me through this process, it would be the only civilized thing to do, you know?  

Nobody has the answers for me, except him, and he just won't communicate with me.  So I have to just move on I guess.  So unbelievable.  

Thank you.

Topic locked
Anonymous

I am really sorry you are going through this. Everyone's expiriance is different. I was there in a non war area, no stress, besides homesick, did great on my job, got 4 awards. Came home and all hell broke loose. I have been home since October 2012 and thrown my husband out at least 5 times, anxiety issues. I wanna say it isn't you, form my expiriance he is probably to "into" his military life to come back to normal. That sounds weird but I came home HATING civilians. I thing they are ignorant. Just going through what I went through, my expiriance and sacrifice and people home take that for granted. I came home mad at the world. I don't think it's personal, it feels it, but it's not you. It's the way we are trained to think, and it's hard to just come back to normal. Does this make sense? I hope I shed some light for you. I believe they have groups on military spouses for help. Have you tried military one source?

Anonymous

You did, thank you for your response.  I know that he felt exactly the same, hated everyone it seemed.  Just wanted to be around his army buddies.  And he too was not in combat, was in a relatively "safe" area, and described being over there as "boring".  I don't think it is me, necessarily, as it took him a long time to start talking to his family too, but he has just completely cut me out of his life.  I finally am getting some texts from him this morning, because I have been trying to figure out where I stand with him, and all he will say is that he thinks it's best if we just move on.  He just won't make any effort at all, won't come see me, won't talk to me on the phone.....just sends me messages saying he's done.  I think what's really going on is he has moved on with another woman, but he doesn't want to come clean about that.  It's maddening.

I've sought out help from all kinds of sources, Military One Source being one of the first.  I don't really know what to do at this point.  It looks like my marriage is over, without any effort on his part or any understanding on mine.  He's just done.  And I truly do understand the difficulties that you all face coming home, not completely, but I know that it's hard.  I just don't understand why he won't help me through this process, it would be the only civilized thing to do, you know?  

Nobody has the answers for me, except him, and he just won't communicate with me.  So I have to just move on I guess.  So unbelievable.  

Thank you.

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